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August 28, 2008

Desperate liaisons...

It's already the lamest party ever. And no, we're not talking Democrat/Republican here, we're talking the practice of holding political party conventions in general. Just look at those crowd shots, would you really want to party with any of those people? Seriously, what are you going to talk about? What kind of "activities" are you going to imbibe in?

No way are you doing belly shots off a representative from the great state of New Jersey. Pole dancing is right out, most would tear a decent stripper pole from the ceiling. There wasn't a single case of stage diving, nor has there ever been, although we kind of held out that Hillary might give it a go this year...

No, these are party conventions in bizzarro world only.

It's a party for the desperate. For those who couldn't get a invitation to any legendary event based on actual popularity. And the cattle in attendance?  It's amazing that people find any inspiration to practice infidelity at all! 

Now there's a statistic we'd like to see. Average extra-marital flings per participant representative sorted by age and party.  Our bet?  Highest number is in the male republicans, aged 34-44. Second highest, same age group and sex, in the democratic congress.  The differentiating factor?  The winning republican sample will be found to involve more and higher denomination exchanges of cash upon completion of the "liason."

Now, all we need is funding for this important research...

  As an aside, if you're throwing a party, include a stripper pole somewhere. Portables are great, just make sure they're well-anchored. No, you don't need to actually hire strippers, the pole will take care of itself. It's a great ice breaker - you'd be surprised.  Thank us later.  

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