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August 22, 2006

Freakin Bin Laden...

The Sudanese poet and novelist Kola Boof has written her autobiography Diary of a Lost Girl. Why is this interesting?  Because she was Bin Laden's mistress in 1996, and apparently Bin Laden had some particularly interesting obsessions... about Whitney Houston.  No, this is too funny for anyone to make up.

Choice tidbits about BL's particular brand of celebrity stalking:

• Fantasies about killing Bobby Brown (well, let's face it, who hasn't).

• Statements that he would break his "color rule" and make Whitney one of his wives.

• Acceptance of her as an object of desire even though her music was evil.

• Plans to give Whitney a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum.

• Verbally obsessing about "how beautiful she [Houston] is, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband - Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women's husbands killed."

Of course, we've only got her word for this.  Bin Laden has been somewhat reticent of late to come out and speak against his detractors. But we really see no reason why she would lie.  In fact, we also learn that;

•  Bin Laden's favorite TV shows of the time were The Wonder Years, Miami Vice and MacGyver (the last one makes weird sense if you think about it.)

• He was first married 32 years ago... to his "mother's niece" which for all of you living down in Appalachia means he married his cousin.

• Three of his later wives became university lecturers... we're still thinking about that.

But back to Whitney, our first thought was that somehow the Bush Bin Laden hunters might use her as bait to lure him out of the cave.  But then, upon reflection, we realized that this was an obsession with the 1996 Houston, and somehow we expect that bait has gone bad.

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