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July 6, 2006

Seven Great Things About the USA: 2

Obesity - We're number 1!  We're number 1!

We lead the world in production of amazingly huge people.  No other nation is fatter, or less concerned about it.  The preponderance of cheap food and lack of self control has combined to make for one big blob of a nation.

Face it, there's a lot of wasted flesh out there.  And we'll let you in on a secret here.  Evolution will save us, and make us better.  We're eliminating the strata of society too stupid or just incapable of realizing that once you can't see your own feet you should stop eating.  Stroke, thrombosis, diabetes, and osteoarthritis, these tendencies in the US population will eventually self-limit.  Like the buffalo, the herds will thin and eventually fade.

Sometimes you have to take the long view to see eventual greatness.  For now, we just wish they'd have the good sense to move aside when faster people want to pass.

  Of course, if you're obese and reading this, please know that we love you and want to see you change.  Stop eating.  Portion control. Self control.  It's not "a glandular thing" if you're still adding cheese and supersizing. Eat vegetables, drink water, take a fucking walk!  There's nothing in the American soil that creates fat people. It's in the food dummy!  

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