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January 22, 2006

Clinton Bashing

There is little funnier than flaming conservatives bashing on the left.  Seriously, the little bits they have to work with get pushed so out of proportion, it's like watching a terrier puppy go after that last bit of shoe.  Cute if you let it be, relax dude, that shoe's a goner anyway.

And to extend the metaphor, the conservative reactions are so programmed, so scripted and predictable, it's like tickling a dog and watching it's leg jump. A nervous reaction, hard wired, and at the same time always hilarious.  Like all those spitfires who use the word "liberal" in the same way you'd say "pig-fucker," it's funny in the same way watching the bag lady talk to invisible monkeys about how Luke Skywalker will save her is funny. 

As a brief aside, it's all about liberalities you morons, like "liberal quantity," "liberal arts", and "liberty." 

When they tire themselves out on current events, it's fun to watch conservative's eyes roll back in their heads and hear them start to bash Clinton all over again. Six years out of office, eight of the happiest and most prosperous years this nation has had this century, but they just can't let go of his indiscretions with one slutty little intern. Man, at least the guy had a set of testicles, as opposed to those in office now who have to use military force as a substitute.

Clinton bashing happens on a daily basis, like clockwork.  Just spend 15 minutes on the AM dial talk shows.  A drug-deluded Rush Limbaugh still regularly trips out as if he were actually wearing a semen stained dress. And he's not alone, any of these Savage or Pat-Riotic microphone fellators will fall victim at some point in their broadcast to this retro-fantasy rant. It's the political equivalent of turrets syndrome - the same results; random phrases are thrown together with plenty of spittle and bile.

Sure the Clinton bashing is pretty hilarious, but things get even better when they work Jane Fonda into the mix.  First, to today's listeners, they have to start out explaining who Jane Fonda was.  At best she's know for her post-Vietnam soft-core exercise videos.  But when they try to explain that a fluff-piece actress, who got most of her early roles by playing easy bimbos who had trouble keeping her clothes on, was this major political force... well that's when things get roll-on-the-floor funny.  Dude, you're kidding me!  Barbarella was a danger to the nation?

If you graduated from an institution that taught you to think without invoking a deity, this is pretty embarrassing to listen to.  You can get depressed thinking there are enough people out there buying the sponsor's products (usually adult diapers, life insurance, how-to-figure-out-those-dang-blasted-computers tapes, and stock-prediction scams) to keep these people on the air.  But we'd advise you to take heart.  Laugh at them. It may seem mean at first, like making fun of little kids who can't figure out the how to move back through a turnstile, but in the end you'll be a better and more relaxed persons about it. They, on the other hand, should be encouraged to rant and rage. Closer and closer to that stroke, eh?

Conservatism.  It's all about relevance... providing you've got Alzheimers.


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