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March 21, 2005

Pledging your bets...

Lots of noise in the news about how virginity pledges save lives. We'll avoid the fact that when we were frats the term virginity pledge had a completely different meaning - those cute little freshman fillies in the sorority down the road. Of course those were the mythical days of buck-fifty gas and low crime, folks making money for themselves and a president who wasn't simultaneously scary and embarrassing to watch. You know, that silly peace fantasy we've left behind to become the land of Old Testament rule and channeling our sexual frustration into global conquest.

But the idea here is that a supposed national abstinence movement is just "catching fire" across the country with young folks carrying cards, signing pledge agreements, wearing promise rings and pendants, and even singing songs about how they'll wait for marriage before they have carnal knowledge of someone.  The pathetically named True Love Waits site, which is really just a redirect to the Lifeway, Biblical Solutions for Live site, includes a sample:

"Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship."

Can we get a little Tammy Wynette music to back that sad song?  And the whole idea of a biblical marriage relationship?  Does that mean that Mormons, Jews, Buddhists, and Muslims can't join the team? Nah, we're guessing that clause is really in there to keep out the queers.

Seriously though, it's noteworthy that the pledges are written with such hearts and flowers prose that kids often come away confused.  These pledges don't specifically rule out oral and anal sex, which most kids don't consider real sex anyway on accounta they don't lead to pregnancy. They do lead to STDs however, and once again we see the path mixing ignorance and Puritanism leads us down; faith based infection.


Remember kids: Faith doesn't save lives, facts save lives.  Get the facts, get really scared, take precautions  

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