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February 15, 2005
If you wanna know who won, look elsewhere cuz it's not hard to find. We're all about the show today, which we have to admit we recorded and watched at 10x speed only slowing down when it looked like something interesting was happening. So our "slow points":
Black Eyed Peas opened the show, and kept popping up between other artists during the beginning section. Let's Get Retarded, oops, It Started was the obvious choice for an opening number. Fergie, in a bow to the G's "no wardrobe mishaps left behind" movement had apparently borrowed one of Taboo's outfits, but still moved around in it pretty well. 10 for 10, and the highpoint of the show.
Gwen Stefani got out and bumpedandgrinded to her version of Madonna's Material Girl. Yes she looked like a smiling gang rape victim.
Some country guy sang Live Like You Were Dying. Don't send us his name, we don't want to know, but for lyrics it wasn't bad and the guy could hold a note. Also he didn't sound as whiney or preachy or hypocritical as 85% of all C music.
Someone doing a bang-up job of impersonating Queen Latifah sang some boring old songs.
Jamie Fox proved he's got no option other than to do a Ray sequel. May we suggest Ray Man?
Memorable moment: Tyra Banks walks out leading (was it Green Day? we forget) and you got to watch all the guys check out her junk in the trunk through the tight thin filmy gown. She's trying to look so proud and regal and they're looking 14 and horny. We were rolling.
Fair until they started signing moment: Kris Kristoperson introduces Janis Joplin's lifetime achievement award. We see a few minutes of J on video belting out Piece of My Heart. Man, she could sing blues. Then all the current kiddies join in a Joplin medley and it all goes lame.
Yeah, that's about it. Except for the fact that this show needs a new name. Yeah, it's named after Bill Gramm, who admittedly shaped a lot of the music industry from his throne in San Francisco. But geez, it always sounds like the nickname for some cracker kid's grandmother...
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