we get it... daily
January 13, 2005
A modest motor proposal...
We'd never advocate systematic social violence. However, given society's elimination of natural Darwinian selection by coddling the weak, violent, and mentally deficient, a method of improving the herd and eliminate those unable to efficiently and responsibly drive on public roads is desirable. The proposal: add paintball attachments to cars. The goal is for the city and highway patrols to pull over and review the driver of any car found covered with paint marks.
Some of the people we'd smear with paint...
The guy too important to wait in the long on-ramp line who simply drives down to the front and muscles in
His buddy who dives from the middle lane to the exit ramp crossing three lanes in thirty yards
The woman putting makeup on while eating a burger and talking on her cell (where did that third hand come from?)
Tailgaters, weavers, and anyone with badly adjusted headlights
Morons who merge too early, unexpectedly stopping traffic flow and letting more cars in their lane drive down ahead of those already on the road (are they on some kind of team or something?)
Music "sharers"
Trucks dripping gravel, clippings, or parts of themselves
Anyone traveling under the speed limit on open roads
Yes, it's a dream, but where are we without our dreams? Oh yeah, road rage.
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Yeah, we spent three hours in city traffic yesterday. Pedestrians shouldn't feel so smug, they've got their own paint due. Nothing like someone crossing late against the light and then flipping you off when you screech to a halt. Bang. |
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