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December 27, 2004

HP !~ + rant...

Pardon us while we get off into a geeky rant this morning.

The class action suit we want to see is fucking HP and their damned-for-all-time Printer division.  Now, the specs on most of their hardware is pretty good, like the 7000 series Officejets with full duplex printing and sheet-feeding copying, as well as shared network access. A lot of promise there, but that's where it stops.  Whatever off-shored mental deficient that's QA'ing their software owes us eight hours of life back for time wasted wrestling with their installers, drivers, and the printer support programs that blatantly never got checked under Windows XP SP2.  This pile of HP crap should have never been boxed for sale.

There's no excuse for shit like that, marginally intelligent QA would never have missed it, it's like missing a pie in your face.  HP's web site even has some cryptic notes you can eventually search out on their web site that as much as admit they screwed the Data Execution Prevention pooch on this one. (And if you're 1337, checkout the misspellings! Plus the fact they don't tell you the install location, or that the files are hidden! What consumer would ever be able to work with this crap!) Mr. and Mrs. consumer, you should never even have to know about DEP.  HP basically violates a bunch of security issues and turns your well functioning computer into a spastic mess.  You, happy computer user person, should NEVER have a company telling you that you need to change settings in DEP.  Fucking NEVER!

We tried installing this on three different machines, including one that ONLY had Windows XP SP2 and eTrust anti-virus on it. It failed on each one.  This would just never work for anyone running SP2.

Now, we're not even going to get into cue-card reading, Indian-accented "help" representatives who listen for "key words" and read support web pages back to you that you've already poured over and dismissed. Their inability to pronounce common software program names is just insulting - an obvious betrayal of their ignorance.  Another 2 hours wasted there. Damn, we paid for the printer three times over in billable hours trying to install it. 

We're also not going to get into their cloying "you bought a printer but we're going to install ourselves as  your telecom and digital picture management system as well" attitude.  Sorry HP, there's a crack whore around the corner who will do a better job there than you do. 

What really makes us angry is thinking about all the good people who will install this crap and just live with it.  It's just never going to work. They eventually forget, if they ever realized it, that their system is messed up because of HP.  They'll end up just blaming Microsoft for all the error messages and crashes.  HP really needs to burn for this kind of crap.

Yeah, this fucker's going back to the store.


Much love however to Microsoft for not giving up on System Restore and finally getting it down pat in XP.  If you've never used that feature, it's in Start - Programs - Accessories - System Tools.  Let's you restore all your system files and settings back to a point in the past when everything worked. (Everyone knows that uninstalls are only as good as the companies that write them, so if the company was retarded in their writing of the main software, why do you think they'd be any better with the uninstall feature?)  System Restore is a fucking time machine, letting you undo mistakes like buying another crappy HP printer and installing their fucked-up software.  Make yourself a note on this one, it will save your ass.

Gotta love it.


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