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August 24, 2004

Hey Kids, Benji's Back!

A sure sign of the coming apocalypse, that loveable terrier mutt, is back for another movie.  Having suffered through the previous Benji reign, we can only assume this is another plot by Hollywood to make us appreciate the rest of the crap they spill out into theatres as $10 a seat entertainment.  "At least it's not Benji" is what we're supposed to say, right? Maybe that Anacondas movie isn't looking so bad after all?

But hey, you've got everything you need in a Benji movie. Who can get enough of that big-eyed pooch outwitting dumb fat white people any way? And how about an adorable tike in trouble while you're at it? Maybe a threatening bigger dog who turns out to be a friend just in time? And a safe and happy home for Benji at the end. Wow, a happy ending. Who saw that coming?

What happens to those happy homes between movies?  Are they hit by meteors?  Mistaken gangster drive-bys? How come Benji is always freed up and on the road by the next movie?

More on the subject, which is kind of like moron subject, we have to wonder why they chose this lame breed of dog to use for any movie. Long-haired terriers are kind of drooly, the hair around their mouths is always wet and filthy, and their hair dips down into their eyes, which has got to interfere with their vision. They're a yappy breed, the kind that fits nicely into a microwave. But there's never a microwave damit!

Hrumph.  Damn, we wrote a lot.  And you're still reading? Even we're too bored with the subject to come up with a proper punch line this morning... did we mention we're sick?  Yeah, and now we're going back to bed.


When is John Waters going to make a dog movie? You know it's likely to end up on a spit in some ethnic downtown restaurant, but at least there's a little suspense...


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