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November 28, 2003

after thanks giving day

It is hard to answer questions while the Mr's E are away.  There are more questions today, and my finger is hurting from yesterday.  The Mr's E said to answer all the questions but I think they did not know how many there would be. I will try to answer all of them, but it is not a promise to be doing again tomorrow.

No, no! You've been doing it all wrong.  You both face each other, then you both bend your elbow at a right angle and hold your arm out in front of you and pointing up.  Your friend makes a fist, with the back of his hand facing toward you.  You grab his fist with your hand, and you both pull toward yourselves.  When he's pulling as hard as he can, let go of his hand and he punches himself right square in the mouth.  It's called Polish Armwrestling, and it's the funniest thing you'll ever see.  On to the question: what is your dog's name?  Nate

Ow. I am hurt myself now. The corgis are Zemo and Zachary.


y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y does my computer always get stuck on the letter y? And on top of that intriguing question, why did they cancal Invader Zim? y? y?  Jenny

The Mr’s watched the invader cartoon until lately. They did not cancel it.


Hey Raul, what kind of cars do the Misters drive?  And do they let you drive sometimes? Happy Thanksgiving....  Finarfin

There is a silver one with two doors and a cat on it. I polish the cat sometimes.  There are two blues ones with angry mouths. I do not polish the angry cars. There are more cars under the cloths. They are “not for touching you little moron.” I hope that is what you wanted to hear.


Raul, why does laundry stink if you don't put it in the dryer right away?  Katie

Your laundry may get mold or the mill dew on it. That is not like the dew of the mountains which is a brighter green.


2 random gurls came across ur website thinkin it wud b crap but were shocked to find its funnest thing we ave heard in a long time!!!!thats a bit radom  Ellie  n  Ema

Thank you.  I will let the Mr’s know you like the random crap.


"hey Raul this is Nalani don't worry I'm not interested in you anymore. But I would like to know how I could get together with Nick so we may eat pie together and pleasure eachother.  With lots of crazy monkey love, Nalani*

I am glad you have a new buddy. Thank you for letting me not worry. The Mr’s told me you were trying to get me thrown in jail. This is much relief.


"hey, wat is this about? wat am i saposeto write?

That was enough. Thank you.


 i am 13 female from ohio and bored as hell"  Chel'sea

No. I am not a monkey lover. You find someone else.  Now leave me alone.


Happy Thanksgiving Raul!  Crazy Pete

Thank you Pete.


See, it's not that I have a lot of time, it's just that I have a lot of things I need to say.  When I get some time (usually during the middle of the night) I try and write as many of them down as possible.  I hope you understand.  Crazy Pete

I understand Pete.  Maybe you will talk with Chel'sea?


"Raul how do we know we do not all see a different colour and call it the same thing and accept what we see as normal, u cannot describe a colour other than its name! If u think long and hard enuff u know I am right! I have seen the light.

Also if u fire a flaming arrow at sum1 it has to travel half the distance upon reching half way it has to travel half the remaining distance and so on therefore u should never die. Yes i know my theory sounds crazy but i really need sum poor person to let me prove it. Any advice?"  David Lowther dark messenger

Don’t try the arrow trick with a real person. And I understand, sometimes I think I have two black socks but in the outside light I have a dark blue and a black one.


"alright raul. i've been reading e.c for a while now, and i have some questions.

first: why?

second: where?

fifth: what happened to third and fourth?

lastly: how does one write for e.c? is there some test or another i have to pass? a gauntlet perhaps? maybe survive the prolific use of amphetamines. i can do that, you know.   
 r0y gerb1l

I do not think there are any real question here. You did just write for the site web. It was easy too?


You answered my question! You made me so happy just when I thought everyone hated me. Thank you.  MyNameIsJessica

You are welcome MyNameIsJessica. Not hating you.


Hi Raul!  The job that you are doing is wonderful.  I wish I were as happy as you.  Do you have a secret for success?  Should I make pie?  Tarmaque the Magnificent

Pie is good. Looking at a clean shining floor can make you happy too. Sometimes I play with the corgi dogs too.


The pine-cones have been speaking to me.   If you could make them stop I would appreciate it.  I only have so many fingers.  Stevie Ray Vaughn is awesome.  Evil Twin D

I will talk to the pine cones if you are thinking that will help you. Is Mr Vaughn helping with the fingers?


Raul, what's the best way to get grass stains out of clothes?  And do you ever go on vacation without the Mr. E's?  Jonesy

It is best to prepare the clothing before the grass stains with a stain not sticking rinse.  Then if you get the stain, wash it very quickly. Use cold water.  No, the Mr’s E do not usually take me with them unless it is a very big drinking vacation.  The big drinking vacations sometimes are just out in the gazebo.


hi are you really just a magic 8-ball turned into a computer program? or are you real? and if so, how can you be sure?  N

I am real. Yes, you can be sure.


You frequently mention the corgi dogs and orchids...Do you view them in an umnhealthy way?  HE IS ME

No. I will get in trouble if they become unhealthy.


Raul, do the Mr. E's call themselves that to refer to their names and locations as a "Mystery?"  Nick Ryan

No, I think they really do not want you to know. Not a mystery puzzle to figure out.


Raul, if you were a hot dog, and you were hungry would you eat yourself?  Nick Ryan

No, that would hurt.


HOW DOES VIAGRA WORK MAN???!!! O' and by the way, would you like a sushi?  William The Sushi Man

I think I do not really know about the vaigra.  I like the sushi fish. I like the red ones made up of fishes egg. I am hungry now.


"yeah, ummmm Raul? why is the sky blue? or pink? or grey? or black? or red? or kinda orangy? in fact how come its not always the same colour? how come instead of being the same colour it even changes from minute to minute sometimes? how come hair smells so bad when it burns? even when its soemthing that realy realy needs to be burned? like that dog at this place i worked at, it was this yappy little peice of shit. it was a shitsu those dogs as a whole breed should be dragged out into the street and napalmed - but that would smell realy bad.

i like zuchini, how come they dont have carrot stick and cellery and vegies and stuff at McDonalds? wouldn't that be good? well no of course not they would be horrible and nasty and disgusting like all the rest of their food but thats all part and parcell of the package right i mean you know McDicks it crappy food, you just go there cuz its quick and easy and cheap and... there - but i think i would order carrot sticks there i dont eat fries anymore. i wouldn't be surprised if that was where they put soem of their addicting chemicals in to keep you coming back, and i guess it would be hard to process the tshit out of veggies untill they were no longer recogniseable as such, never underestimate the power of the fast food industry.

p.s. eyelashes are the recepticles of the soul

p.p.s. i can do this and you can't <rubbs belly and pats head> "Ian Cudmore

Hello Ian.  I lost track of your question. You may need to ask again if it was important.


Does it make you feel special to answer all the idot questions of mindles sheep who write to you just to be made fun of? Or is it just fun to pray on the minds of the weak?  Drummer

I don’t think you are reading what I write.


I will eat your soul and clean your house then i will burn the orchids and eat the corgi dogs then i will dance a around the mexican hat.  Chorbalan

The cleaning the house and dancing parts are fine. Do not do the rest.


Hello Raul.  I am very lonely.  A very bad woman made me sad.  You seem to have a lot of luck with the females of the species.  Do you have any advice for me?  I hear women like "bad boys".  Should I beat up school children for their lunch money?    I am 36.  Douglas

I am not good with ladies Douglas. I do not think you will have good luck with school children.  Remember you can go to jail for being around them.


Why is Crazy Pete above me in the too smart list. he doesn't seem that smart to me.  Argo Elle

Maybe the top of the list is not for the smart ones?


Hey Raul! Wazzup? Why do ya think skaters are freaks who can't talk real well??  ~Jokerman Sliderman

I am not a skater. I just have trouble with getting this English done always.


if you could live anywhere in the world other than your current arrangment.. where would you live?  your mother.

I do not think you are really my mother. But I will answer you in case you really are. I would live in


Raul, you are too wicked and awesome, my eyes burn when I see your words of wisdom.. My question is, do you have a cult that i may join in your honour ?  Miss Spanky

My typing should not hurt on your eyes. Use cold water on them.


I am being attacked by big ninja squirrels, with sharp pointy teeth and axes... or maybe I'm hallucinating about The Two Towers again...? Either way - Help please?  Morelen Ilfirin

If they are squirrels try giving them potato bits. Or maybe the broken Triskit crackers?


oh raul, i always am happy for holidays on the off-chance that you'll get to step in while the misters are on vacation.  but right now all i want is to draw you a picture.  what shall i draw for you?  a house?  a plane?  the corgis being sacrificed to the lord of evil little doggies?  tell me and i'll draw it!  ERiC

I was happy until you hurt the corgi dogs.  You should not be saying to hurt them.


hello. byebye. hello. i think that i am very strange. what do you think?  Laura

I think I may not answer all the questions tomorrow. My finger is starting to hurt.


Hello , I think the hermaphrodite question may have been a little harsh so I am sorry for that. You said you had business card , could you send me one?  Pa

If I sent it to you I would not have it any more.


How are the corgi's doing? last we heard they had to go to the vet. Corgi's are cool.  Fred the Pengiun King

The corgis are fine. They go to the dog doctor to get medicines to stop stinky breath.


Hey Raul i would like to know what you prefer more pie or muffins? What kind of music do you listen to, and what is your favorite movie? I would ask you........well I think I will. What is your favorite book, if you in fact read. Thanks a bunch  Nalani

I like pie. My music is mostly short songs with words I can understand. My favorite movie is probably the one where the young man likes the girl, but she thinks he is not good until right at the end and then they both like each other. I like that one a lot.  I also like the book with numbers for other phones because my memory is not good.


Raul? Does your underwear fit snugly? Or is it to loose? or does it bunch up to tightly? I like underwear almost as much as I like kitties I'm hungry and horny I'm going to go lick peanut butter off my balls now  Mr.Slippyfist lord of all cheeze

I am too shy about underwear. You make me worry.


hey man. i hink this site is the best. keep up the good work...... i have no question but you can randomly think of one and answer it if you want to. ^__^  ~Tora



Do you ever masturbate using an apple pie?? I hope it wasnt frozen...  Guy with white tee-shirt on bicycle

I think you asked that question.  Did I answer it? Maybe you can check.


Do you ever write poetry? If you do, could you post it? I would be interested in the poems of an ummm... unusual mind like yours. Yeah. Thanks!  Arienette

I don’t write poetry. Sorry.


Actually, Raul, I have another question. Here it is: Will you marry me? I like corgi dogs, and I even like orchids.  Arienette

Maybe Nalani can help you find someone like she found.


Are you aspiring to be like the 'Raul' in the movie Panic Room?  -Forrest 

Is there a movie panic room? It does not sound like a good place to watch a movie. I do not understand the rest of what you wrote.


I am trying to write a book, but have no experience in writing a book.  Things aren't going too well. The author is talking directly to the main characters, and I'm pretty sure the whole thing will culminate with a giant pulsing brain and a massive flood.  I am also adding religious symbolism and allusion but have never read the bible.  The main character is named after "thin lizzy".  What should I do?  Help me.  Shteve Jackson

I know that I am not the person who will be helping you with this problem writing. Does your finger hurt too?


hi  person

i will like to know more about u so that we can be one.  Godson

I like being one by myself. Thank you.


Bonjour Raul, quelques gens disent que l'odeur française très mal, mais de ce que j'ai lu sur les postes que je suis très rassure que vous ne sentez pas. pour ceci je suis content mon ami! au revoir -NoSmell

Merci. Ceci n'est pas un problème quand le savon est utilisé.


Happy Friday Raul!!!  Based upon the way general statements manage to confuse you, I'm curious to see how you'd react to metaphor-filled poetry...I shall search through my book of poems that I've written and pick one to send to you...  Nicci Azucena

I think I remember you Nicci. Your name worries me.


"I've chosen a poem for you to read, Raul.  This is a re-make of the Emily Dickinson classic.  I was in a not happyish mood when i wrote it.  What do you think?


Hope is the thing with feathers

That lurks within the soul

And sings that dreams will come true

Even when they won't at all

And though our precious logic

Tells us it is wrong

We choose to cling to magic

And believe hope's little song

For we'd sooner trust what we wish to be true

Then except a harsh reality

So we blind ourselves to any facts there may be

That don't show us what we want to see

~Nichole Azucena"  Nicci Azucena

The words sound happy and they are in short lines. I like that but still do not understand. But it was fast to find out I do not understand.


The Misters have pictures on the web site, can you give any insight as to what they are supposed to mean?  Ivy Bekket

No. I am sorry but I do not know what you are talking about.


I have a gift for you and the misters. It's not a bomb...its perfectly normal and harmless. I need to know were you live to deliver it.  Some random guy with a present

Thank you for the thought. The Mr’s say it is what counts. But they will be angry if I tell you. 


I asked the Mr's to marry me but they cruelly shunned me, not even answering my question. Will YOU marry me? 

I think that would be a bad idea. I do not know you even.


Raul, you sound as if you are scared. Are you scared or just foreign? I find that some foreigners are scary. If you are a foreigner, could it be that you are scared of yourself?  I don't want to put my name in. I'd just make one up anyway, So it doesn't matter.

I think I am more scared today than yesterday.


Should I experiment with bisexuality just because girls AND guys turn me on?  Sage

Again I think this is not something I can be helping with.  


why is a mouse when it spins? and what is the difference between a duck? can you teach me to walk on the celing?   3.9 turtles

You are trying to confuse me. I think the others did it too.


okay, Raul, ill try a 3rd time, read carefully! ARE YOU A COMMUNIST? not a saggitarius, or a columnist, but a communist, and id like to know if you enjoy working for the Mr.E's???  sir spoon again!

Oh.  Yes I see you now. I do enjoy working for the Mr’s because they are usually quiet or maybe sleeping or gone.  I am not a saggitarius. Did I say that. I am sorry for being confused.

I am very tired now. I am late because it took a long time.  There was many questions today and I do not think it was good work.  Maybe some of you may stop asking the same questions? Again this is the place to click to send your words to me.


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